Tag Archives: joke

Kungfu Santa: The Movie

This Christmas, a movie spectacular decades in the making is finally coming to the big screen. P1xar and/or D1sney and/or Dreamwerx presents Kungfu Santa: The Movie.

Christmas, Santa is hard at work in his workshop at the North Pole. All seems peaceful. But after Christmas, people expect him to vacation in the sunny Bahamas, exotic Phuket, or even the exciting Ibiza. No!

In one dark era when Christmas was almost lost, Santa trained with Shaolin monks to turn the tide in the Reindeer Wars. His Kungfu training was instrumental in ending this brutal war that left half a million reindeer dead, including Rudolph’s great-grandfather.

Now, Santa uses his kungfu skills to fight crime against the very toys he makes. Little Billy tries to steal little Bobby’s Deluxe Edition Super Transforming Car Robot, but Kungfu Santa is there to kick the crap out of little Billy. This chubby old man is a major badass.

It’s Toy Story meets Kungfu Panda meets Miracle on 34th Street. Watch as the exciting action unfolds. Coming December 24th to a theatre far from you.

But that’s not all! Next year, Kungfu Santa returns to the big screen with Kungfu Santa 2: The Guerrilla Grinch!

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Give Some Love to the Oxford Comma

The Oxford comma, such a controversial little punctuation mark. Why do people hate you so much? You’re very important. You help avoid awkward situations.

I love my two sons, baseball and TV.

I’d like you to meet my parents, Justin Bieber and Carrot Top.

I really like to eat sandwiches, octopus and chocolate.

I’d like to thank my sisters, Kanye West and Bob Saget.

I couldn’t have graduated high school without the help of my teachers, my dog and Robin Williams.

I went golfing with my dad, a sumo wrestler and a drag queen.

I had dinner with the Harlem Globetrotter members, Colin Mochrie and Lady Gaga.

So please, use the Oxford comma, so that I don’t have sons named baseball and TV. So that my parents are not Justin Bieber and Carrot Top. So that I’m not eating octopus and chocolate sandwiches. So that Kanye West and Bob Saget haven’t had a sex change so that they’re my sisters. So that my dog and Robin Williams weren’t my teachers. So that my dad isn’t a sumo wrestler and drag queen. So that Colin Mochrie and Lady Gaga didn’t join the Harlem Globetrotters. It’s just awkward.